LitaWrites (real_lawyer) wrote,

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

Woman on cell phone: “Stop telling me to ‘raise my spirit,’ because it’s his ugly spirit that keeps dragging mine down.”

“I’m looking for those things that do, you know, what zippers do but without zippers.” [I think she wanted Velcro strips, but I wandered away.]

“You didn’t watch the Oscars? Smaaaaaaaaaaaart. I fell asleep during it and didn’t even rewind when I woke up.”

[Woman in Trader Joe’s holding up cellphone and talking to someone I’ll assume could see the shelf] “Honey, is this the salad dressing your sister had? The one we had the last time we went there, like two years ago? It was good, if it’s the one I’m thinking about.”

“This isn’t my dog. I just walk it.” [OK, that’s cool. I just said, “Hi, puppy.”]

“He’s crazy, and it’s just not me. Everyone in the office used to say it.”

“My grandma was always saying stuff like that before she died. Not like it killed her, though!”

“[Name of person] always says, ‘It’s a free country, mom.’ Forget about politics and stuff like that, it’s still not free because I pay for everything she does, everything she eats, and everything she wears. ‘What’s free about that,’ I ask her? Then she gets snitty but, thank gd, she runs to her room.”

[Kid on boardwalk whizzing by on a scooter] “Look, mom, look, mom, look mom! I’m faster than fast!”

~~ Zooming around:

~~ “How can today be the last Sunday of the month? Why isn’t next weekend also May?”

“You’re always better off looking down rather than looking up, unless you can afford the plastic surgery to lose your extra chin.”

Woman 1: “We’re returning to the office May 5, but we’re not allowed to use the refrigerator to store stuff or make ice. Why make us come back if we’re gonna be unhappy?”
Woman 2: “We’re going back June 7. I don’t know about the refrigerator, but I know my pants aren’t going to be happy about me stretching them!”
Woman 3: “I can’t wait to go back and drink coffee without two cats staring at me.”

“I have the worst itchy eyes because of pollen. I have like 10 bottles of eye drops and all of them are useless. I oughta sue CVS and Walgreens for false advertising.”

“That restaurant closed because its food tasted worse than garbage, not because of COVID.”

“Now that we don’t need to wear masks outside, I have to buy more sunscreen.”

“I went gray when the pandemic started, but I ordered a box of color right after my son called me ‘Grandma’ on Facetime.”

“I pulled something when I was doing the wash.”

“Aim your tail towards the street and your arms towards the bathroom. Ha, ha! But, yes, do that.” [Luckily, I know what the yoga studio looks like or I may have really tweaked something.]

~~ Yoga and meditation nuggets:

You’re like a sponge. If you wallow in pity or shame, that’s what you’ll absorb.

A lack of proper digestion brings about congestion.
Where are you rushing to when you are already in a great place?

You can’t expect to move forward without getting past obstacles.

~~ After enjoying the Midnight Library (reviewed previously here), I decided to read another book by the author, Matt Haig. I chose The Dead Fathers Club. I am very glad I didn’t choose it before the other book, because I would not have chosen two books by him in a row. Not to say this book wasn’t evocative, and the story wasn’t compelling, because both were true. It’s just that this book is a whirlwind of a tale of an 11-year-old whose mental deterioration is evident from page to page. His father dies violently, his uncle’s trying to take over his mom’s affection and the business… wait, is this Hamlet?

Turns out, it is a retelling of Hamlet, with some real twists. Moreover, it turns out that my Libby app didn’t tell me that this was a YA book not aimed for my demographic. Nevertheless, I am not sorry I read it; the subtext of adults making plans and talking over and around children was quite compelling, especially when they choose to label Philip’s descent into mental illness as just “acting out” and being strange.
Me: “I’d like to order a salad pizza, but no cheese, please.”

Pizza person: “No cheese on the crust or no cheese on the salad?”
Me: “No cheese on both.”
PP: “Is it OK if there’s a bit of cheese in the sauce?”
Me: “No, skip the sauce, please. Just a salad on a pizza with no cheese anywhere. I’m a vegan.”

PP: “O.K. Do you want chicken on that?”

~~ Whoever (or whatever) is in charge of my cyber algorithms is acting like we’re total strangers. I got an ad for a meditating Barbie doll followed immediately by one for carcinogenic Roundup weed killer. What the heck? Tracking’s no joke, but bad tracking is silly.

~~ After President Biden’s speech Wednesday evening, my husband wanted to watch Senator Scott’s rebuttal. Holy hell, what an unelected ass he is! He experienced racism growing up in this country, but apparently, there are no racists in the USA. He harped on this grievous undermining of civil rights actions and POC, after falsely stating what the president said in his speech (e.g. there was zip about promoting abortions and it’s not up to the federal government to open or close schools) and lying about Democrats rebuffing his sensible solutions. I know a Republican appointed him to the office, and he’s a card-carrying GOP’er, but c’mon, man. Open your eyes and see that people are hurting and you have the power to make things better if you choose to do so.

~~ Returning to the speech, it was awesome before it even began!
History was on the podium — the VP and Speaker together warmed my feminist heart as it elicited a raised progressive fist salute. We’re going big and we’re not going home. People are in need and there’s a lot of work to do to fix and improve.


Have a normal and kind weekend! Be safe.

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