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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ The nurse visited Dementia-ville and carelessly parked her car so that she blocked all members of the household from using the driveway. I parked in the street and wondered if she was going to be much longer. If so, would she move her car? This question generated so much naked facial disdain that I started to walk away. Then I remembered it was my house. “I asked you a legitimate question. You’re blocking all entrances.” Her response was, “I’m doing important work. I’ll be done when I’m done.” I walked away muttering a new mantra, It’s only a driveway, it’s only a driveway…

~~ Another time, I heard a very loud clatter in Dementia-ville. Being close by, I asked if all was OK. “Sure, sure,” the aide says. “I dropped my shoe.” Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

~~ From time to time, I attempt to engage the patient. The dementia has long erased her personal aversion to me, but she won’t look up or interact. A not-so-gauzy cocoon swaths her completely — her muscles, voice, and memories might be in there, but they’ll never burst through. It would be a medical miracle to replicate this ability to persevere so that younger people would stand a better chance to come back from diseases.

~~ He’s getting information on the phone. The woman on the other end needs to spell a word that starts with a “Q.” “Q as in Cuba,” she explains.

~~ I’m wearing an NY Jets shirt. A guy says, “I like women who wear their husbands' tees.” I’m proud of how fast I responded: “I like men who weren’t raised in the 19th century.”

~~ I bought a new hand sanitizer to replace the one running low. The one I purchased earlier this year proclaimed I was getting a bargain — 25% more free — but the dispenser I bought this week had the same 10 ounces without any good deal decree. Besides my temporary befuddlement, it occurs to me that an actual person made the decision to change the label. Did he or she say, “Screw it, we already made the bottle bigger” or “That fake claim didn’t sell any more sanitizers, so let’s lose it”?

~~ Overheard: “Balancing a checkbook is hard. That’s why G-d invented credit cards.”

~~ I am a very skillful eavesdropper. I developed the talent in closing rooms where it was vital that I both concentrate on my clients’ business and be informed about what the other side of the transaction was up to at all times. Therefore, it was no stretch to have lunch and chat with my husband while overhearing the BS story the man at the next table was spinning to his tablemates. See if you can spot the part that rings false:

I had my hip replaced on a Tuesday and you know they send you home right away. So now it’s Thursday and I forgot I promised my friend I’d go see a show with him on Broadway. I try to tell him I can’t go, because I’m on pain medication, but he says, “Who cares? Just take a cab.” So I do take a cab, but traffic is very bad and it’s getting late. I tell the cabbie to let me out at 40th and 9th and I run the six blocks to the theater. Am I a good friend or what?

~~ On Monday, the yoga teacher said, “energy flows.” On Wednesday, the same teacher said, “energy radiates.” Yesterday I heard from someone else that “energy spirals.” Maybe that’s why I don’t have any energy — I’m zigging when it’s zagging and vice versa.
~~ My son is moving away from home this weekend. While I’m truly excited for him and his wonderful girlfriend, I’m quite sad. He’s a great person, good company, and a sounding board when things go from over-the-top to insane. Moreover, he’s the only one who’d talk sports with me every single day. You can’t put a price on that kind of wrenching withdrawal.
Join me in wishing them luck?

~~ Are we near the finale of this ridiculous, vile, appalling reality show set in and around the White House? I sure hope so.

Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend!
Still not really ready for football



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