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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ I have always been a pre-crastinator. Give me a task, give me a deadline, and I’m on it — I never turned in a paper late, missed a deadline for a client, disappointed an editor, or failed to follow up on a promise if it was within my power. It wasn’t in my nature to wait for a later date to do something I could tackle right away. However, a series of unfortunate circumstances all parked their dilapidated wrecks in the driveway of my life at once. Suddenly, everything was insurmountable — an eggplant that needed roasting was just as daunting as a 1,000-word story. You’re stressed, the professionals tell me. You’re stressed, my loved ones tell me. Ya think? I always reply.

~~ Dementia-ville is the locus of my main stressor. A new aide for the feeble patient arrived, bringing ingredients of an unknown nature to create a culinary treat with an unparalleled aroma. Imagine the linings of your sinuses wearing wallpaper, and then picture the wallpaper charred off in chunks by wave after wave of fireballs. If stench kills, I’m typing this from the great beyond.

~~ The din of soap operas from the continent of Africa ceased when the prior aide departed. So far, the only sound I regularly hear from the new person is the beep, beep, beep of the microwave. When she first broadcast the arrival of her putrid casserole, she did provide an early warning: a series of so many beeps that I would not have been surprised to learn she knew the nuclear launch codes. Alas, no missiles deployed, but she sure hit us with a giant stink bomb!

~~ I wonder if the patient’s sense of smell has lingered as her other senses have faltered or disappeared. If she did still possess any fragrance detection, it’s likely gone now. In this case, it’s for the best.

~~ Overheard: “My husband tells me at least twice a month how fattening something is as I’m about to eat it. You think he’d make the connection between his stupid comments and his dry spells.”

~~ Overheard: “The solution is simple, I told her. Break the ugly thing and claim the dog did it.”

~~ I am astounded and dumbfounded as tRump’s administration rounds the number of reunited kids and families to the nearest hundred. Screw you. Every kid separated is a traumatized child. Moreover, there’s an entire family that hates the USA.

Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend!



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