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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Dementia-ville’s sole permanent resident turned 90. Not that she knew it. We had a cake, a candle, and a song, but she didn’t acknowledge any of that. I’m hoping that perhaps she was recalling a happier birthday and just didn’t want to come back to reality.

~~ The aide, on the other hand, was all in on the birthday thing. Too in, actually. First, she was PO’ed at my husband for not telling her about the birthday until the afternoon. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she roared at him. He said that the birthday lasted all day, so he didn’t see the big deal. Second, every time she saw him thereafter, she bellowed, “Where’s the cake?” Each time (with less patience than the previous demand), he’d say, “After dinner.” It seemed like she didn’t believe he actually had a cake, and seriously, who appointed her the birthday fairy? Finally, after the cake presentation and attempt at a celebration fell flat, the aide felt motivated to rouse the patient out of her inertia (or disinterest) by cupping and rubbing the patient’s breasts again and again. We didn’t know what the heck was going on at that point, but we three visitors to Dementia-ville were uncomfortable as hell. My husband quasi-commanded that the aide please feed the patient her cake and then enjoy the slice we had for her as well.

~~ When asked* later how she enjoyed the cake, the aide snarled, “It was too sweet.” Hello, it’s birthday cake, not an omelet!

*Not by me. I needed a shower.

~~ Lest I leave you with the impression said aide might be a lithe, health-conscious paragon of clean eating, she’s so large she can barely hoist herself from the couch. However, she manages to do so quite often during the day to microwave sausage sandwiches and other edibles of an unknown quantity, quality, and identity. (The odor is definitely alien, but whether of this galaxy or another I cannot say with any certainty.)

~~ Would anyone care to explain to me how a man who can’t remember 75 percent of what I tell him vividly recalls hearing about the type of underwear one of my relatives wears?

~~ I had a milestone of my own — I’ve been vegan for 20 years. And yes, I get enough protein.
~~ Overheard: “No! Poop is not supposed to be green.”

~~ An acquaintance, who I liked very much, told me she no longer wants to have “anything” to do with me. “Every time you mock tRump and his wonderful family on Facebook you are saying I’m dumb to have voted for him. I’m not dumb. I chose the smart guy over the criminal which is more than you can ever say.” I wish I had come up with a more clever response, but her unbelievable gullibility (or hatred) left me with only this admittedly feeble response: “Are you a Fox News anchor or are you just pretending to be one?”


Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend!
LET’S GO METS!

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