LitaWrites (real_lawyer) wrote,

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ May the fourth be with you!

~~ Things that made me laugh this week:

**My long-deceased dog got a VEHICLE ALERT NOTICE in the mail. Seems his car’s factory warrant is about to expire! Talk about the secret life of [departed] dogs.

**A newbie asking Michaela, the yoga teacher, “What’s your name?” The student then signs her name and adds the teacher’s name in the designated spot: McHala.

**The massage place I’ve had the pleasure of attending in the past sent an email with a “sale” on all services for the Month of May. They added this:

The owners are the therapists. You don’t tip the owners, so what they were trying to do is charge the same or extra while advertising a sale. I’m all for everyone making a buck, but if they want to run a business pulling the wool over some patrons’ eyes, that’s not cool.

**An insurance agent who, two weeks after notifying us of a 14% hike in our rates, sends us a “Dear Policyholder” letter with his business cards. Give these cards to your friends, he urges, so they can save money, too!

~~ What didn’t make me laugh was our newest dog bringing a dead mouse into the house. I didn’t notice it in her mouth until she dropped it into her bed, at which point I freaked out. I grabbed the bed and headed for the front door, alternately screeching “BAD DOG!” and sobbing “I’m so, so sorry” to the mouse as I deposited it in the dirt outside (I don’t know if Lovie found it or murdered it, but I mourned for the poor creature even as I feared its potential disease-spreading capability). The bed went through three super-hot wash cycles and I went through an entire night of fear that my seven-pound dog would kiss me while I was asleep.

~~ In Dementia-ville, the tone of the week is demanding. The current aide is a person of few words, and 99% of said words are directives. “Soup!” she commands. “Crackers!” she decrees. “A & D Ointment!” she orders. Implicit is the word NOW in her tone and steely visage. Yet we shop as always, seeing no present need to replenish soup while Commandant Aide is holding a full container of butternut squash bisque. Needless to say, there’s a lot of harrumphing ensuing from the annoyed autocrat.

~~ When this horrible episode in American history concludes, we'll see less Rs, more G-men (of all genders), and give lots more respect to XXX stars.

Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend!
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