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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ You think it’s going to be a good day when a random radio station you find because NPR’s doing fundraising plays your two favorite songs in a row. Then it plays the O’Jays and you crash back to reality.

~~ That reality included flooding offices, an empty wallet, and a woman who claimed that “plump is a compliment.”

~~ I watched a yoga teacher lose her shit, which believe me, rarely happens. She became totally confused about fingers: “Put your pointer finger, middle finger, ring finger, and index finger together. Leave your thumb and pinky free. Wait, that’s six fingers. Huh?” At which point she starts counting her fingers aloud, looking for her index finger on the same hand that she wears a ring, and then she looks up at us.
Her face clearly says she has no clue where she was going and really wants to revisit the mystery of the extra digit, but we’re all looking at her expectantly. The rest of the class sucked, but since it was yoga, it was still pretty damn good.

~~ I’m fed up with people who start to try a food but put down their fork the moment they hear it’s a vegan dish. Seriously? If you don’t like an ingredient that’s fine. However, if you’re likely to dig in if the host says, “Try the vegetable salad” or “Want avocado toast?” but back away if s/he adds “vegan,” you’re being foolish (if I made the dish, you’re also blatantly rude). Try or don’t, but please refrain from making it clear how you abhor anything animal-free.

~~ She put her arm around me and told me to “Stay strong.” I looked a bit quizzical, and she said, “You know, because of [Dementia-ville].” I thanked her for her concern but explained that strength is not what I need. Peace, quiet, autonomy, and a pleasantly aromatic home are things I need. The only thing strength will do for me is allow me to punch the wall harder and carry the burden farther.

~~ But why am I complaining? My spouse got the demand from the aide of the week to “Come here immediately and look at the sores on [name’s] butt.”

~~ Well, I did have to listen to some phone conversations that went beyond the usual ear-shattering minutiae I usually hear. One-sided conversation A: “Whaddaya mean I don’t know ‘Jack shit’? Whothefuck is Jack Shit and why shouldn’t I know him?” One-sided conversation B: “Tell the baby to shut up! Just say ‘Hush baby hush baby hush baby’ until he stops that stupid crying.”

~~ As there’s a tidal wave of screams punctuated by hisses coming from Dementia-ville as I write this, it’s as good a time as any to look at life outside my personal hell:


Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend! See you in MAY.
LET’S GO METS!

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