LitaWrites (real_lawyer) wrote,

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Dementia-ville is a happening place this week. Its sole permanent resident has developed a penchant for screeching like Ozzy Osborne: Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. I cannot tell you how many times over the past few days I’ve wanted to scream-sing, “Crazy, but that's how it goes. Millions of people living as foes…”

~~ I can’t actually be sure, but I believe a whale and a camel had a child in Dementia-ville last weekend, and said baby exploded on the way out of the womb.

~~ The aide’s replacement didn’t arrive, and as a result, she ran out of food. She asked my husband to go to KFC and buy her chicken wings. He did, and after eating her meal, she complained to him that the food was “too salty.”

~~ Flash forward a few days. My spouse cooks the patient dinner and the other night he made a new dish. Afterwards, he asked the aide how the patient enjoyed the meal. “It was too salty,” answers the aide. He paused, first in surprise, and then for effect, before inquiring, “How would you know?” The flustered reply was that the patient told her! Though the only sounds she can seemingly muster these days are ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, the patient is making culinary pronouncements about her meal. Sure.

~~ Between Passover and the cold, snowy weather, I’ve been mega crabby and carbo-craving. That combo means that I've passively or aggressively acted out on almost every person posting photos of palm trees, chocolate bunnies, and pretzels. Yes, pretzels — Auntie Anne’s tweeted about its app and I took it personally. This is not my finest hour week.

~~ Overheard:  “Does she really need those nails? If she were my cat, I’d have her declawed.”

~~ Hey, school officials who think freakin’ clear backpacks are the way to prevent murders: I bet you never were a teenage girl with a supply of sanitary products you carried all month (just in case).

~~ Hey, sports bra manufacturers: Your product has only one job. If it can’t do that, don’t sell it to me.

~~ There’s an acquaintance who detests a former public servant based on allegations while supporting a current candidate about whom I have close knowledge of sleazy behavior. She’s so sure about what she only surmises, but I keep wondering if there’s an upside in telling her what I know. Taking someone down a notch is not a reason to open up a wound that’s over a decade old, right?

~~ I have earned a reputation for including the people I encounter in this blog. Someone who’s been featured before said something amusing yesterday, and when I laughed, she proclaimed, “I know I’m going to read about this!”

~~ Just when you think things can’t get worse, they do. Then things grow even direr.

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