LitaWrites (real_lawyer) wrote,

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ I’ll start today’s blog with an apology.
A former reader told me she stopped checking in because I’m “so very whiny.” If you also find me too much of a navel gazer, I’m sorry. However, it’s my personal blog and it’s always been about me. I expect most readers come here to feel schadenfreude about my distressing life being worse than theirs, while others just enjoy my style of wordplay. Come to think about it, I have no reason to express my regret — if you don’t like my writing, or me, you aren’t reading this!

~~ Adventures in Dementia-ville: The latest aide is seeking to get into the world record book for continuous time babbling claptrap into a mobile device. Her secondary goal is to blather without breathing for an award-worthy amount of time.

~~ The din the patient emitted was what I imagine it’s like if you work in the factory that makes and tests alarms for firetrucks and ambulances. Weeee woooo weeee weeeeeeeee wooooo kkkkk weeeeeeeeeee is about how it goes at times. It seems that we’ve moved away from the profanity and the petulance (although they can certainly rise up at any time) and are now in the scream loudly and bang repeatedly phase. Whatever it takes to make neighbors for blocks away slam windows shut and call the dogs in from their yards.

~~ You know the romance has gone from your marriage when your husband appraises your outfit for Thanksgiving and says only, “You’re going to have a hard time keeping food out of that scarf.”

~~ I had one of those days between 7:30 and 8:00 am Wednesday. I started to make the same breakfast smoothie I have made for at least six years. There were no deviations and no substitutions, and yet it overflowed the blender and went everywhere. The liquid streamed into cracks, gaps, crevices, and undersides I couldn’t have even guessed existed in my kitchen. I spent a good deal of time wiping (despite commercials swearing otherwise, the damn quicker picker uppers don’t absorb pea protein and fruit) and mopping. When done, I started the process over again. A lone frozen blueberry escaped and I picked it up with my thumb and index finger. What the hell? Both fingers were immediately stained indigo! I soaped and scrubbed but the stain remained; by this time I was running late and not that hungry, so I took the blender to the refrigerator, figuring I’d retrieve it later for lunch. Craaaap — I put the blender in and knocked over a takeout cup full of balsamic dressing! It simultaneously spread out, pouring down and around, in a lava-like flow remarkably similar to the aforementioned smoothie gusher. In case you’re wondering, you need a bona fide sponge to mop up salad dressing, as paper towels are less useful than a GOP senator.

~~ Did you ever hear about snakes coming up from the toilet and biting people? Did you also hear that it was an urban myth? Well, it’s not:

~~ I just finished David Sedaris’s Theft By Finding. If you’re a fan of his writing, you’ll likely love it as much as I did — it’s droll, petty, clever, and amusing. If you’re not familiar with his writing, don’t start with this book.

~~ I find it increasingly difficult to cope with assaults coming from tRump and his enablers. If you’re vulnerable via birth circumstances or by lack of luck in life, they will come after you. They venerate lunatics, pedophiles, bullies, rapists, dictators, billionaires, and racists but have no use for children, struggling families, the elderly, or sick people. This is not a “difference of opinion,” as one tRump supporter insisted when I said her tolerance was equivalent to those who avert their eyes from genocide. A difference of opinion is whether those pants are too low cut for a woman sporting an oversized inner tube around her middle. This is a battle for democracy and equality.

Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend.
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