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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Overheard (while I’m eating): “And then he tells me I have to wait two damn days for the results of the urine test to know if I’m gonna die.”

~~ Overheard: “How can someone with such a huge ass have such a tiny heart?”

~~ Something really interesting happened over the past week, or so I think. You see, I made a note to write about it, but now I haven’t got a clue as to what happened, because this is what I jotted down: Vanity crisis mini snapshot. Input and/or guesses welcome… especially if you were with me and remember the story!

~~ Wow, I remembered the story as soon as I wrote the above. You know what? It’s not half as interesting as my enigmatic note.

~~ A friend read last week’s tirade about aging and told me she always says she’s 10 years older just so people will say, “You look good for your age.” I tried that just once when a nosy buddy asked one of my least favorite questions. Feeling tetchy, I added quite a few years and rounded up. The answer floored me, almost literally: “Wow, I wouldn’t have thought you were more than [five years older than I was at the time].” In other words, don’t ask and I won’t tell. 

~~ The friend who gave me the bad advice was also the woman who told me she only buys jeans one size too big so she never feels squeezed in them. I texted her to confirm she still does that, and here’s her reply: I stopped the day in Bloomies a saleswoman suggested butt-enhancing panties to enhance my really flat tush.

~~ Ready for a trip to Dementia-ville, the place that dominates my home and life and eviscerates my sanity? The current aide has a thunderous voice and a lilt that could be charming if it wasn’t sawing through my brain from breakfast through dinner. The patient has a screech that starts out hovering about the top of the volume dial and easily escalates into fever pitch without much provocation. As I type this, a T-rex and a hyena are yelping the lyrics to “Macarena.”

~~ I was going to recount the smells, but I am grateful to actually not know the aroma of intestines, and I’m fairly certain that no one eats cooked couches.

~~ Book recommendation: I just finished The Nest by Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney.

What a well-crafted story populated by many interesting characters. There were moments where I thought I recognized the plotline and/or the character trajectory, but each time I was surprised and intrigued by where the author took me.

~~ This is another week where anything I write about politics may be surpassed or declassed by the time you read this. Robert Mueller has impaneled a grand jury, the generals might be in charge, taxpayers are funding twofaced and soulless presidential advisers, and Ivanka has a criminal attorney on her staff — an actual US citizen hired by the queen of foreign trade! The supporters of tRump wrap themselves in the flag and actually lecture the resistance on being patriotic, yet where’s the outrage when their orange PUS calls the people’s house a “dump” and Miller dumps on the Statue of Liberty? Along with that, I haven’t heard from a single one of the Trumpsters who talked until they were blue in the face about Obama golfing or vacationing.

~~ Anyway, if you disagree, you’re no longer reading… and I have to go see what’s going on in Dementia-ville. The Supremes have launched into “I Hear a Symphony!”

Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend. (Yes, I’m ignoring the start of football. I’m already a basket case.)


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Aug. 10th, 2017 03:43 am (UTC)
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( 1 comment — Leave a comment )



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