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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ In Dementia-ville, the smell of the week is fish. Not that briny, seashore-y scent. This is more like a charbroiled whale that died about 1975.

~~ The patient decided that mere shrieking did not adequately show off her formidable lungs. In order to retain her heavyweight squawking crown, she ascended to the peak of Mount Screammore and let it rip. Repeatedly. Think a woman experiencing drug-free childbirth while holding a bullhorn set to its max volume. And oh, yeah, the woman is having quintuplets.

~~ “Good morning,” I say to the aide. She returns the greeting. Three hours later, another aide walks into the kitchen. You think the one that was leaving would say so? No.

~~ I’m not trying to be cruel, as English is not a first language for many of the home health aides we’ve encountered. But what the hell am I supposed to do when I’m in the store holding a shopping list that calls for “KAKAS”?

~~ Is it just my imagination, or do hospitals have more employees smoking outside than most office buildings? It sure seems that way to me.

~~ I met up with someone I hadn’t seen in six months or so. I expressed my happiness as seeing him, to which he replied, “Happy to be seen.” That’s all. No reciprocal sentiment, no nicety whatsoever. So if I ever run into him again, I guess I’ll just say, “You again?”

~~ Every freaking person I know (OK, perhaps I exaggerate) is retired, on vacation, or both. It’s hard enough to toil all the livelong day, but when you’re living among the leisure class, it becomes quite depressing.

~~ Overheard: “The diet wasn’t the hard part. The failing is what sucked.”

~~ Also overheard: “Can you come tell my husband that? He insists that isn’t hygienic.” [Nope, no idea what that is.]

~~ The waiter wasn’t sure what constituted a vegan meal, but he happily grabbed the list of ingredients to discuss the contents of each entrée. “It’s hard, right, being a vegan?” he commiserated. “You pay a big price for not eating humanity.” That was so sweet — I couldn’t then be rude and tell him that it was all about eating humanely, not refraining from cannibalism.

~~ People who say that they “aren’t into” politics are usually implying, “I’m privileged and secure, and don’t give two shits about anyone but myself.”

~~ An acquaintance who seems to spend much of her waking hours (and probably some dreamtime) on clothing and jewelry told me that I was “way too obsessed with what’s going on in the country.” After all, she added, “Things will work themselves out.” Yes, just like the Nazis self-corrected.


~~ I was super-frazzled just before writing this week’s blog post. May I share two observations? 1. Rice cakes are not cakes, no matter how you dress them up. 2. No one comes in and does your writing while you’re stress eating rice cakes.

Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend.
LET’S GO METS!

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