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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ My wonderful spouse always smiles with a touch of sympathy when I relate a tale from Dementia-ville. It’s that touch of sympathy that made me take great pleasure when the patient greeted him with a vociferous Get Out! and a protracted Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssss! Hey, all’s fair in love and lunacy.

~~ Imagine walking into your home and having to wait for someone to move out of your way so you could let the dogs out while being doused in the aroma of some delicacy that likely didn’t actually taste like gym socks. Now envision trying to enjoy your lunch and read the newspaper as someone screams No No No and someone else responds Stop That. In turn, a Wagnerian chorus was released that sounded organically bridal: No No No No, No No No No, No No No No No, You Shit Shit Shit Shit. Welcome to a sample 50 minutes of my daily life.

~~ Want to see what happens when you visit one of your kids and the fish tank leaks while you’re away?

A. No fish were harmed. B. This is 10 days later, after a water sucking machine did all it could do. C. That’s my world, where the floor tries to crap itself up in order to keep the threadbare carpet company.

~~ I got very peeved at my Kindle at 11:30 pm. You see, I finished a book and knew an exciting title was waiting for me. Yet it wasn’t. So I pushed the buttons and jiggled the thingamabobs and kept waiting for the satisfying dissolve that shows a new book’s been uploaded.
Nothing happened, so I thought malicious, machine-focused thoughts before reading something less appealing.

The next day I logged into my library account and, sure enough, it declared that the title had been checked out to me. Grrrrrrr… oh, wait, what did I do? I downloaded an audiobook by mistake and then went looking for it on a visual reader.

~~ Two women were discussing their aches and pains. One bitched about her knees hurting non-stop, but the other one told her, “You don’t know what pain is like until your cootie is on fire.” I am not really sure I got that anatomical word correct (it’s hard to ask for a spelling when you’re pretending to read a flyer on the wall), but now I’m scared I’ll catch whatever she had.

~~ A new acquaintance asked me what I did. “I’m an amateur eavesdropper and a professional writer,” I replied. She looked puzzled, but I liked the description.

~~ Do you have certain voices that really set you off? There’s a former host of a radio station whose sound set my teeth on edge, and there was an attorney on the Academy of Law board that made me regret the ability to hear. Now, there’s a seemingly nice man on my local NPR station who wants money from me. I am already a monthly sustainer, but he won’t stop talking about contributions. His pitch penetrates my eardrums and almost literally stabs at my pancreas with a hot poker.

It got so unbearable that I took a spin around the FM dial (the water-sucking thing for the floor created too much static for AM). I found a station playing The Beatles and promptly forgot all about the man who tried to murder me with his voice.

~~ That station was still dialed in the next morning when I brushed my teeth. Readers, never underestimate the thoroughly restorative powers of Muskrat Love!

~~ I have only a few political notes today. One, a teacher-friend told me that Rep. John Lewis spoke at her son’s graduation from Yale Law School, where he encouraged graduates to “Get in the way.” I love that!

~~ Two, did you see that shitshow of a budget proposed by the PUS’ “compassionate” budget director? Yes, the one with the multi-trillion dollar math mistake. Who wants to explain to me how you eliminate funding for family planning programs and then cap financial assistance for families at six persons?

~~ Three:

Dasvidaniya. Have a good holiday weekend, after remembering all who paid for this country with their lives.



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