LitaWrites (real_lawyer) wrote,

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ I told a yogi I missed her the previous week. “Oh, I was sick,” she said. “I just have a really bad cold now. Last week it was a virus.” Isn’t a cold a virus? I didn’t want to pursue the topic.

~~ I thought I’d pick up a certain book at the library, but I didn’t have a car. I mentally assigned the task to the next day… and then the proverbial thunderbolt hit me. What was this, 2005? Did I need to drive to the library? I opened a browser, signed onto the library site, and about 30 seconds later the book was on my Kindle. What a Luddite moment — don’t judge me, OK?

~~ There’s a commercial on TV selling some religious artifact in a cross for “just $29.99.” The announcer says it contains a stone from the cave where Jesus was born. What happened to the stable? I’m not being irreverent, but am I uninformed about the birthplace? I’ve heard this song all my life:
Away in a manger, no crib for a bed,
The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head,
The stars in the bright sky looked down where he lay,
The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.
Maybe a clump of straw in a gold-toned necklace wouldn’t sell for almost 30 bucks?

~~ Dementia-ville was a busy place this week. I wanted to be certain what holiday the aide (Lady Chatterley) celebrated, if any, so after wishing her a good morning, I asked if she celebrated Christmas. She did, so I wished her a merry day and she said the same to me. Which would be lovely if I wasn’t standing next to a menorah and surrounded by Hanukkah decorations. But since she never says a word to me, this was a holiday miracle in every faith!

~~ Next day, I’m cooking and the door between the patient’s area and the kitchen keeps opening a crack and then quickly slamming again. Lady Chatterley was peeking in, seeing me, and retreating.
My husband says that she was being considerate, but he wasn’t standing there being peered at about 10 times. Why not just ask me to let her know when I’m finished in the kitchen instead of repeating the creeeeeeeeeak open, squint in, door slam scene?

~~ Moving forward a few days, Lady Chatterley calls my husband on his cell to ask if I am planning to do laundry. Why not ask me, he wonders, as I’m in the house? He’s told that I am “not in the kitchen.” Where I obviously reside 24/7.

~~ Yesterday Lady C. yelled at me that she’s never coming back here because I am always yelling at her. And she left.

~~ While telling this story to a friend in the yoga studio, another woman who has shared tales of experiences with her grandmother interrupted to say, “Hope you didn’t give her too much cash for Christmas before she bailed on you.” Cash? We gave her a very nice gift though the agency instructed us that wasn’t necessary. But no cash. “That’s why she left,” said the knowledgeable woman. “She stayed over Christmas just to pull down some cash.” Yikes — we didn’t know. “Oh, don’t sweat it,” she said. “She was probably going to leave, anyway. We gave one aide $100.00 for Christmas and she claimed she had to leave because of food poisoning three hours later.”

~~ A new aide is here, and one of the first things she did was call the agency to report a bruise on the patient’s hand. The case worker calls my spouse and he asks me to go look — it’s a bruise near her elbow that seems like it’s been around for the better part of the week. Why did new aide call it in? “Oh, [Lady C.] told me that she’s been too busy the past few days to call the agency, so I should do it.” How can you be too busy on the phone to make a phone call?

~~ I’ve written over 700 words yet still not touched on life and death or politics. Those topics will still be here, but I need to wrap this up. And shed at least 700 tears.

Happy 2017! This year was a global, national, and personal disaster, but that doesn’t mean I await 2017with delight. Oh, well, enjoy if you’re so inclined.
The end is here.
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