LitaWrites (real_lawyer) wrote,

Tossed Salad Friday


~~ She’s telling me about a ridiculous plan hatched up by her husband to drive far from their home to attend a 9:00 am showing of the newest Star Wars’ movie. Seems the other couple offered to meet them at a theater halfway between their homes, but her spouse expressed his willingness to go all the way east at an early hour on the last Sunday before Christmas. She was resentful but resigned, and so off they went. When I checked in later to see if a) theaters served popcorn at that time of the morning and b) how she liked the movie, I received an affirmation on the popcorn plus this information: [Spouse] got a call from work and missed half of the movie.

~~ A safety pin may have saved my life this week. Ever since I decided to wear a safety pin as a show of solidarity and invitation, I've carried a few extra pins in my purse. When someone comments, I offer to provide one. While I am at an intersection, walking back to my car, I look all around. I grab my keys from my purse, and as I start to cross, I notice a safety pin has caught on my keys and fallen onto the street. If a kid or a dog got the pin, I'd feel responsible, so I stepped back to the curb to pick up the pin. Just then, a car raced through the stop sign on the main street and careened around the corner right in front of me. I might be deader than a doornail if it wasn't for that pin.
~~ A PR guy made me feel very old yesterday. I made a reference to the “Sloop John B,” and he had zero idea what I meant. If you don’t either, don’t tell me… just watch this:

OK, I know the Kingston Trio did it a decade earlier, but I didn’t want to feel ancient.

~~ "Do you prefer 'Happy Hanukkah' or 'Happy holidays'?" she wondered.

"Either is fine." I replied. "You?"

"I celebrate Christmas so no need to mention the word holiday," she responded. Good to know!

~~ I’ve decided that this week’s (in) action figure in Dementia-ville will be called Lady Chatterley. With her utter devotion to her cellphone and her quest to set a new world record for conversations held while allegedly working, I think the nickname is most appropriate.

~~ How’s [the patient], wondered a friend. “She sat around all day shrieking Naked,” I replied. She pressed me for immediate clarification: “Was she singing while naked or was she clothed and singing the word ‘Naked’?” She was clothed, but her protracted one-word-song stripped me of all reason to carry on.

~~ The other day, Lady Chatterley walks into the kitchen and goes to the sink. The patient is yelping quite loudly, so I get up and start walking towards her. Lady C. turns off the water and beats me back to the area. She starts saying, loudly and solicitously, “Are you OK, dear? Is everything OK?” C’mon, she was shrieking when you walked away from her, and you’re only being soothing so I don’t tell my spouse. Oops, plan spoiled.

~~ As I type this, I am hearing Get out, you you you you. I don’t want you here! No comment.

~~ I delayed reading The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt for quite a while. I had the feeling I would love it and was waiting to treat myself. Then I remembered that books aren’t just treats. They are also transformations, and I really needed one of those. So I started reading… and couldn’t stop. This was one of the most exquisite books I have ever had the pleasure to read. Each word is a gem and each page is a masterpiece. For this past week, I’ve been transported to a world of words, art, tragedy, friendship, love, treachery, and resignation. A world where nothing eventually mattered while everything suddenly did. If you haven’t read it, I urge you to do so. If you read the novel years ago, be smug. I envy you for having absorbed this work of art much earlier.

~~ My family got together to celebrate Hanukkah a bit early. Here we are:

From my family to yours, Happy Festivus, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, and Joyous Kwanzaa! Say it as often as you can now. Next year we’ll have to say счастливого Рождества.
J!-E!-T!-S! Blech.
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