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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Yesterday, I went to toast an English muffin but there was someone else’s food in the toaster oven. I tried to do a load of laundry but someone else’s clothes were in the washer. I ate a cold lunch and tried to read the paper, but instead heard a tedious tale told in trilling tones involving (I think) the health aide and “a crazy-ass bitch.”

~~ She kicked up an area rug as she walked past. I said, “Please smooth it down if it comes up like that — someone might trip,” as I straightened it out. She looked at me and said, “Oh.”

~~ The dementia patient clapped her hands as if happy to see me. Hmm, I thought, today might be a good day. Never fear, she pronounced: Shit is here!

~~ I thought about writing a play I’d call “Nutbags and Scumbags.” Even before I started drafting it, a problem arose that made me rethink such a literary foray. My theatrical vision has multiple villains while the protagonist will likely sit alone in the front row of the theater, crying her eyes out.

~~ This:


~~ When you’re having a discussion with a friend over whether Trump reminds you more of Hitler or Mussolini, you know this country is in trouble if hatred prevails. (And don’t give me any speeches about how “Trump’s a business-man who gets stuff done” — you haven’t seen his taxes but you do know he stiffs people, bankrupts companies, uses foreign workers here and ships manufacturing overseas. So you’re voting for him either because you are a hater or gullible as hell.)

~~ The acquaintance says her sister just left her husband and declared it “good riddance.” I must have looked remotely interested, because she elaborated: “He was always a stupid jackass but now he’s a stupid jackass with a girlfriend.” I don’t know the girlfriend but, honey, you could do better than a married and brainless man.

~~ Seriously?


~~ It was comical to listen to three women try to correct another woman’s pronunciation of the name of a person they all knew. The fourth woman kept saying Lane-ah instead of Lah-na, and the other three said Lah-na multiple times. One looked at me and shrugged. I shrugged back, because what did I care? It was the only thing all day that didn’t cost me a cent or cause me a headache!

~~ My dogs were kind of jittery, running back and forth between their multiple beds and blankets for no discernable reason. I lost interest (see reason above) then happened to key in on how quiet it had become. Here’s what I saw:


Have a great weekend!
LET’S GO METS!
J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!

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