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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Here’s what I heard every day this week, screamed for extended periods at the top of remarkably robust lungs:

DON’T YOU DIET OR I WILL EAT YOU!

IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMETHING, YOU ARE WRONG. I KNOW EVERYTHING!

DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-A-HA-HA-HA!

~~ Line number three is a favorite refrain, whether shrieked in glee or anger. Sometimes it’s both semi-simultaneously.

~~ Unless you’re a telephone operator, make cold sales calls, or do customer service, I challenge you to prove that you are on the phone more during work hours than the home health aide. What in heaven’s name can you have to say for 10 or 11 hours a day?

~~ As I type this, she’s speaking loudly and animatedly in a language that I cannot understand, although the words “shitty ass” may or may not be part of the conversation.

~~ I believe she has locked onto some punitive pirouette wherein she hears me heading for the kitchen or the washing machine and she gets there even faster. She puts something in the toaster oven at 450 degrees and then leaves it there for 20-30 minutes, or lunges for the microwave or washer. Call me paranoid if you like, but I have varied my times in an effort to avoid this maneuvering and territorialism.
Yet anytime my flip flops flap on the floor — Abra Cadabra! Like magic, she appears posthaste.

~~ I overheard one woman telling another, “I went to your acupuncturist twice, but he’s more hands-y than needle-y. Who really wants that?”

~~ The guy tried to toss a coffee cup into an outdoors trash receptacle and missed, splashing the cup’s remaining contents across the sidewalk in front of me. I stopped just short of the stream and made startled eye contact with him. He shrugged and said, “It’s just coffee, honey.”

~~ Maybe that story is a metaphor for life nowadays. If whatever flies by you doesn’t actually splash you, shrug it off and say, “It’s just coffee, honey.”

Have a great weekend!

LET’S GO METS!

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