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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Did you know bagels were contagious? They are!

My friend Karen begged out of yoga on a Sunday, texting me that she was opting to enjoy a bagel instead. I couldn’t stop thinking about a bagel and so I had one after class. Turns out that Karen never had the bagel, but in recounting the story to Susan in another class, she said, “Oh, great, now I need to have a bagel!”

~~ I ordered the chickpea and avocado salad after confirming with the waiter that the dish was vegan. As I’m eating (and enjoying) it, I notice the lack of chickpeas. I inquire of the waiter, who goes into the kitchen and returns to announce, “When you said vegan, the kitchen confused chickpeas with chicken and so they left them off.”
~~ Seemingly regretful about the kitchen blunder, the waiter made no offer to bring me some chickpeas. Instead, he brought a brownie in a to-go tin (head-scratcher number one). The next day, when my husband opens the container to eat the brownie, he finds it swimming in what appears to be melted ice cream. That’s head scratcher number two — why not ask if I (the vegan) wanted ice cream and/or alert me to the fact that he made it à la mode so that I might refrigerate or freeze it if I wasn’t going to eat it in the car?

~~ A ultra conservative climate-change-denier (is that redundant?) on Twitter tried to ream me out for an article I published on rising seas. He got nowhere, but I did have occasion to look over some of his Twitter posts. Here’s a gem:

I was offended by Americans celebrating Cinco de Mayo but at least no one wished me “Happy holidays.”

~~ “My house is where all the boys conjugate,” she said quite clearly (and boastfully). I admit to being jealous of a home where teenage boys say, “I hang out, you hang out, he/she/it hangs out …I am hanging out, you are hanging out, he/she/it is hanging out …I was hanging out, you were hanging out, he/she/it was hanging out…”

~~ This week’s episodes from hell involved fire hazards, cesspool jeopardy, insect enticement, and more than one rousing song with lyrics such as, “Du duh duh, da dah dah dah dah IDIOT!” and “La, la, la, la, la GO TO JAIL!” I regret that I have no tales of alcohol, bigots, SWAT teams, and wallpaper peeling, but be sure to stay tuned.

~~ You didn’t think I’d ignore politics, did you?

Have a great weekend!



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April 2019


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