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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Everything I will write hereafter is trivial compared to more slayings. People are dying every day from guns, and I bow my head in sorrow each time I hear about it. I also cross my fingers and pray no one I know ever loses their life at the hands of a cold-blooded murderer who can pick up a gun almost anywhere.


~~ Just wondering how a gay couple threatens the sanctity of my marriage, but a firearm bought in Dicks Sporting Goods doesn’t threaten the sanctity of my life.

~~ Yesterday, an email arrived from my hallowed alma mater cajoling me for money: You Have Only 5 Days Left to Make Your Year-End Gift. Damn; I forgot to send out holiday cards and I have nothing to wear for New Year’s Eve.

~~ I spotted two bumper stickers on a fairly beat-up van in front of me at a stop sign:
ROMNEY 2012

MY VAN IS A STATUS SYMBOL
It shows my status is POOR.

Yoo-hoo, dumbass. Did you think you’d get rich under Mitt?

~~ The menu had only one thing that seemed designed for vegans, so I informed the waiter of my situation and ordered the kale and quinoa salad. He eventually served me a bowl of dressed kale, so I inquired as to the whereabouts of the quinoa. “Oh, the kitchen says if you’re a vegan, no quinoa for you!” Really? You’re telling me the omnivores and carnivores who come into this pricey place eschew the other menu items and order the $19 kale and quinoa as their meal? “I guess,” he says. “We don’t get vegans here.”

~~ I later tweeted the restaurant to ask why such a vegan-y sounding offering wasn’t appropriate for vegans. Of course, you know what happened:


~~ I love discussions about grammar and parsing sentences. The goal is always to get it right, though the reality is that sometimes grammarians disagree and you have to trust your instinct for what’s right. I queried my magazine’s proofer about her request for a comma; she’s usually spot-on, but my gut said her insertion wasn’t correct. She responded that the comma was unnecessary — it was an expendable comma. How I love that phrase! I want to wear it on a tee shirt or use it as the title of a blog or story.

~~ There were two bottles of Coke in the office kitchen. I didn’t know which way to arrange them so they made sense:


Have a wonderful weekend!
LET’S GO METS!
J!-E!-T!-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Aug. 28th, 2015 03:28 pm (UTC)
Expendable Commas
Just to illustrate how important commas are, please consider the following:

LET'S EAT, GRANDMA

LET'S EAT GRANDMA

As you can clearly see, commas CAN make the difference between life and death.

Sincerely,
Your Magazine's Proofer
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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