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Note, Mortgage, Duck!

The paralegal working for the closing attorney had a very annoying habit. He’d sit at one corner of the long table while positioning the wastebasket at the other end and on the other side (it was his office, so he could have controlled the seating and/or the trash can placement). Then he’d wad up pieces of paper and let ‘em fly! Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh for about 90 minutes; he’d fist pump when he made a clean bucket, and snort when he missed. He had to be making up paper balls just for his own amusement, as I’d never been to a closing anywhere else where there were as many error-laden pages that needed to be destroyed.*

I learned to arrive a bit early and choose a seat close to him, but of course, not everyone knew the drill. So inevitably someone would be plunked in the head, or the shoulder, or the face by the wadded paper whizzing by.

I cringed one afternoon when the seller joined her attorney at the closing table; she was older and appeared frail. But what could I say, “Hey, let’s change sides so this garbage-chucking cretin won’t smack your feeble client?” I decided to stay silent and hope the fool would behave himself.

He didn’t, and of course, his third or fourth mashed-up paper struck a glancing blow off the seller’s shoulder.  Her attorney roared, “What the hell?” and Mr. Fling-With-Abandon shrugged. There was no apology, but I did notice he put the brakes on the paper-lobbing. Which was exceedingly smart, as the seller’s counselor was about a half-foot taller and 10 years younger than the hurler.

*This character tossed the trash before shredders became de rigueur at closing offices. He’s also long deceased, but obviously not forgotten.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
May. 2nd, 2013 03:04 pm (UTC)
I give up. Was I there? This was a while ago?
real_lawyer
May. 2nd, 2013 03:27 pm (UTC)
If this is C, you may have been! My client was, after all, buying.

His name began with a J, his office's town began with an H...
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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