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There Was Something in the Air

Before attending a closing, I believe an attorney should shower; it’s best to not be all sweaty and malodorous when passing papers. By that same token, it’s probably best not to eat a spicy and hot hero moments before closing, especially when you know it’ll upset your digestive system.

However, the buyer’s attorney and I don’t regard public displays of pungency the same way.  He walked into the closing room, tossing the last of his sandwich into the garbage can by the door as he says to the bank attorney, “I love when I get to close around here. Pappa Luigi’s makes the best sausages and peppers anywhere!”

About 15 minutes later, he’s sweating profusely. I turn to him as discretely as I can and say, “Are you OK? You seem a bit… uncomfortable.” He smiles, emits a burp I’m sure you heard from wherever you were, and says, “Thanks. I’ve just got bad, bad heartburn and I know that I shouldn’t be eating at Pappa Luigis!”

Now the room reeks from the discarded sandwich, the attorney’s breath stinks, and the belch-residue is hanging over the table like some specter from Ghostbusters. My clients’ eyes are watering and I’m just about to gag when the bank attorney says, “It’s so gorgeous outside. Anyone mind if I open the window?”

That open window is probably the only reason I lived to tell you this tale.

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