September 13th, 2019

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ A woman sitting on a bench is conversing with a man:
“How long have you been divorced?”
“About five minutes.”

~~ While striding down the boardwalk with my husband, a man directly behind us says, “Ma’am, I love your perfume.” I turn back and laugh as I thank him. “It’s bug spray!” I say. “Oh, well, you’ve made my night,” he proclaims.

~~ Overheard: “How many times do I have to say ‘you drink too much’ before he listens?”

~~ Overheard: “People get so mad just because I never agree with them.”

~~ Overheard at a recent Mets’ game: “I wanted to audition to sing the national anthem, but I always vomit right before I sing. I call it 'somit.' I can’t somit on the field before I’d sing.”

~~ Also overheard at the game: “He doesn’t really care if the company makes money as long as he gets a paycheck. They need to fire him yesterday.”

~~ The woman next to me at a yoga class had a serious case of flatulence. I mean like you’d find at practice after an entire football team consumed bean burritos.
  Surmising she was ill and on medication, I felt sorry for her. But the aroma was atrocious, so I edged as far away as I could (as did the women on the mats in front of her). Afterwards, she announced to no one in particular, “Sorry if I disturbed anyone’s karma. I drank my soda too fast at lunch.”

Rapid soda gulping causes rancid, eyelash dissolving gassiness? I didn’t know. But I’m always willing to learn.

~~ My house is a disaster. It has been since Dementia-ville was established on the premises and it’s been worsened by a flood, flagging finances, and geriatric doggies forgetting what they are supposed to do outside. It’s our thing and we have to overcome it, but in the meantime I found that we are not alone and, even better, there’s a name for it:  Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome (CHAOS)!

If you hear me say my “house is in CHAOS,” please respect that. It’s a syndrome and you have to be considerate of those suffering with this residential disorder.

~~ I stopped by an office as a party was in full swing. I picked up the paperwork and wished the woman wearing a crown, “Happy birthday.”

“It’s not my birthday, hon. I’m just the Queen Bee around here.”

Bee, I salute your queenliness.

~~ To anyone who thinks that only a shithole third world country would roll back clean water regulations, govern by graft, lose residents to random and frequent violence, and fail to protect their Constitution and elections, welcome to the USA in 2019. What is it about the GOP and supporters that makes them hate clean air and water, detest a sustainable environment, prevent a living wage, suppress medical treatment for all, and cheer for refugee suffering?



Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend!