Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter: 

“I told him the Easter basket looked puny, but of course his mother said it was gorgeous.”

“My father is a perv, but I don’t hate him because he’s stopped doing that.”

“You can say that but I can’t. He’s your husband.”

“Do you know if anyone has been here before we got here?”

Woman to dog: “Are you a chihuahua? Are you a good little Chihuahua? Are you? Are you?”

“My hair is better than it used to be because I eat a lot of good hair food.”

~~ Zooming around:

“I am going to put forth a proposal in a memo that we can all discuss next time after thinking about it for a while.”

“You heard about Zoom fatigue? I don’t think that’s really a thing. The real thing is Corona fatigue and Zoom is just a target. I want to keep Zoom around for as long as I live and work here, because snow and blizzards aren’t going anywhere for a while.”

The moment on your mat as a geriatric poodle wearing a diaper decides to cuddle up just as your yoga instructor says, “Take in a deep, cleansing breath.”

“Your left foot forward. Your left foot. Forward. Your. Other. Left. Foot. Your left foot? Yeah! Oh, well, just do the other leg next time.”

~~ Yoga and meditation nuggets:

Be here now and be somewhere else later

Don’t ask your brain to relax: relax your muscles instead

No matter how high you soar, stay grounded

Thoughts are just thoughts, not orders

~~ Seriously?

~~ This story is a doozy; it illustrates why reckless behavior will wreck our efforts to “crush Corona.” The person telling me the story is someone I’ve respected and liked for decades — she holds a professional degree and watches CNN, not Fox.

There was a family wedding in Florida. Most of the family lives in NY, so most of the family declined to attend. However, the storyteller and her sister decided to go (neither are vaccinated).

As they are driving to the airport, storyteller asks sis how she is feeling. (It’s an important question to ask sis, because she works with the public but refuses to wear a mask, telling her clients to “take it or leave it.”) “Tired.” Storyteller thinks no more about that response, as she’s fairly drained herself.

On the plane, sis sleeps the entire flight. She awakens upon arrival and they take an Uber to the home of the bride’s parents, the site of the wedding that weekend.

People have gathered to put the finishing wedding touches on the house and garden, and storyteller joins right in. Sis goes to sleep on the patio.

After a meal among those at the house, storyteller and sis go to their hotel. Sis is still sleepy, so the storyteller hangs out in the room of another family member until she returns to the shared room to retire.

Next morning, both sisters suspect the dog-tired sister has COVID, so they figure a test is needed. They traipse from drug store to drug store until they find one that does rapid testing. Uh-oh, sis is positive! She has COVID!

Now what to do? Of course, conclude that all the Vitamin D from the Florida sun beaming on them during the pharmacy trek has likely already cured sis. They take an Uber back to the hotel, but then start to think their grasp of virology might be tenuous.

If, perhaps, sis isn’t truly healed, they can’t go to the wedding, because people there won’t be strangers like that Uber driver. In addition, the bride’s mom has told them there’ll be “no damn masks at the wedding to ruin the photos.”

They call in their regrets and turn to the next pressing matter. Should they fly back to NY? “Everybody tells us to get back on the plane, but we’re afraid they might take temps or ask for a negative test, though they forgot to do that on the way down.”

The duo decides to bail on the plane and hatch a great plan. They take an Uber to a local car dealer, because storyteller’s teenage daughter needs a car! They negotiate with a salesperson, hang around the showroom until the car is ready, and start the road trip back to NY.

The car got “great mileage — like 37 miles per gallon” so they didn’t have to make “too many stops” along the way home, except for an overnight stay and meals, of course.

Arriving back in NY, the teenager is delighted with the car, but not so appreciative of the aunt who has COVID and the mom who ends up with it. However, a satisfied storyteller feels she performed a great service to the wedding guests, who were “20 deep at the bar with no masks.”

“Just think,” she mused. “We saved at least 50 people from getting exposed.”


~~ I’ve never been frightened by a trans person, but I have been kicked by a “Christian” for asking a candidate where he stood on reproductive freedom. No voter has ever menaced me, but a tRump supporter wearing an SS insignia and a MAGA hat threatened me with harm. A hungry child or a deserted senior has never jeopardized my freedom, but a group of white supremacists killed peace officers, terrorized Congress, and endangered the democratic process.

Yet I’m supposed to urge trans persons to go underground or “renounce their fad,” applaud and support restrictions on voting, and treat the most vulnerable among us as expendables. A man is murdered without being arraigned on charges, but extortionists, embezzlers, and traitors are pardoned. The fight for a potato’s gender is the real deal, but prosecuting a rep who rapes girls is fake news?

The alternate world has no appeal to me. I want to live in this one and make it more just and equitable. Yes, even for those who kick me (after I press charges and they get out of prison). Why isn’t this a universal action plan?

  


 

   

         


   



Have a normal and kind weekend. Ramadan Mubarak. Stay safe.
LET’S GO RANGERS!
LET’S GO METS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

“She was blown away that I am getting a divorce. I’m like, you knew we’ve been separated for years.”

“We’ll expedite the supervisor’s response from its normal seven days to five.” [Woo-hoo!]

“If you knew him, you’d like him a lot more than the way I’m telling you about him.”

[Man to child] “People always say dumb stuff to kids. They actually think kids don’t get brains until they grow up.”

“I’m trying to figure out what I’ll do when I’m fully vaccinated. I know it’ll be wild — maybe buy new jeans or walk inside the pizza place!

~~ Zooming around:

“You weren’t there so I thought it was me.”

“Lucky Zoom doesn’t have a rewind button, because I don’t think what I just said should be repeated. Moving on…!”

“I’m exhausted today just from waking up this morning.”

“I get lots more work done now than I did pre-pandemic. I hope my raise is based off that before we go back to the office, because then I’ll just be doing my 8:30 to 4:30 grind and gone.”

“It’s not fun teaching on Zoom when everyone’s muted. No one reminds me that I forgot to do the other side or did this side already.”

“Who else is only here because it’s raining?”

Person 1: “Do you have Easter plans?”
Person 2: “None. My whole family is still in Florida, and as far as I’m concerned, they should just stay there. What an asshole state! Do you have plans?”
Person 1: “Yes, my sons are coming over. One actually wanted to bring ‘a date,’ but my husband quashed that.”
Person 2: “Because of the pandemic?”
Person 1: “He blamed it on that. But really, he just met her three weeks ago and lord knows I don’t need her in the pictures.”

“I’m getting really frustrated with maskless people. It’s not as if I’m asking them for 50 bucks or to paint my house. I’m just expecting them to not spread their freaking germs.”


She: “Are you going back to the studio when you’re vaccinated?”
Me: “I am vaccinated, but I’m still not returning. Why practice with a mask in the studio when you don’t need one at home?”
She:  “I guess you don’t need to get out of your house as badly as I need to get out of mine!”

Figure it out is a terrible recipe for life.” ~ Anne Lamott

~~ Yoga and meditation nuggets:

Coincidences are the universe’s way of staying anonymous
Move with intention, not momentum

Whatever we resist persists

Honor what you’re feeling in order to release it

~~ I’ve reached that stage in life where I’m tossing away my kids’ trinkets, artwork, etc. I check with them and save what they want, but there’s just something about seeing their childhood creations heading for a landfill that’s causing great angst.

~~Nine Women, One Dress by Jane L. Rosen was a recommendation from a fellow fiction fan.I loved this book! The plot isn’t much deeper than the title, but the character development and the delightful weaving of seemingly separate stories into one were most entertaining.


~~ Scene: A rainy day conversation between spouses standing near a window.
Me: I am having a rough day from the rain. I am in a lot of pain.
He: Whatever is in that box out there is getting wet.
{{And... curtain.}}


~~ It was a costly week around here: the hot water heater sprung a leak from the bottom (translation: it’s dead), a tree leaning towards the house allowed squirrels to eat through the shingles and insulation, our vacuum cleaner sucked its last breath, and our one working old car started to shimmy-shake in a most unenjoyable way.
Did I mention receiving written approval for PPP money that might keep the business going for a bit… until the Note and supporting documents listed an amount one-half of the original approval letter? Yeah, not a good week at all.

~~I have a few things to rant about this week, but the Chauvin trial deserves our full attention. It’s interesting to read the comments of non-attorneys on Twitter, especially the ones who’d like to see Chauvin beat the rap. We know George Floyd used drugs and likely had drugs in his system. So what? We know there was a suspicion that a $20 bill was bogus. So what? He wasn’t arrested for these crimes and given his day in court — he was killed instead. Cops aren’t judges or juries: cops are charged with keeping the public peace and deterring suspected lawbreakers.

Then there are the tweeters who demand the trial must be stopped now because Chauvin is clearly guilty. Nevertheless, that’s not how the system works — the defense is playing to the one juror who’ll express doubt and not vote to convict. It sucks that a murderer might walk, but that's how we'd want the system to play out if it was us in the hot seat.

I hope the POS is convicted, because he had zero concern for Mr. Floyd’s humanity. He crushed the life out of him despite pleas and entreaties, while his co-workers stood by. He decided that this man was not going to get any of the rights afforded by our laws and procedures, and he cannot be allowed to decide that.

However, I won’t be surprised if the killer walks, because when it comes to cases like this, there always seems to be a doubter. That's the most broken part of the system to me — if you’re white, you get an appearance ticket or a ride to the jail and a jury that gives you the benefit of the doubt. If you’re not, you may never see justice in a courthouse, because it’s already been rendered on the street, in your car, or your bedroom.
 
   


~~ Good news? Despite the Covid glitch, baseball is back! In addition, as I am more than two weeks post my second vaccine, look out world — I’ll definitely be in your periphery very soon. What’s more, Passover ends Sunday. Thank goodness.
           

 


  
     
     

Have a normal and kind weekend, stay safe, and enjoy a blessed Easter if you celebrate.

LET’S GO RANGERS!
LET’S GO METS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

Man: “Did we come to this beach last year?”
Woman: “No, we didn’t go anywhere last year.”

“I ordered the spaghetti with the straight sauce and the waiter didn’t know what I meant. Later I figured out that only my mom called marinara sauce straight sauce because it came right out of the jar!”

“He thinks he’s the boss of us. Well, he is, but what’s that gonna get him?”

“There was supposed to be a restaurant here, but now it’s a snack bar. I guess snacks can still be food.”

“During the meeting, my ankle started to itch something terrible. I’m thinking, is the cat down there? Do I have fleas? Can I scratch it when no one will see me?”

He: “Is that RBG on your mask?”
Me: “Yes, it is!”
He: “Awesome. You win mask of the day!”
It was 10 am at the vaccination center. Apparently he knew there’d be no better contenders!

~~ Zooming around:
“If you see me leave, don’t get insulted. I’m just tracking my shoe delivery and it’s almost here.”

She: “Look at you! I haven’t seen you in a year, Miss Kim!”
[Only other person on the Zoom at the time] “My name is Lita.”
She: “Get out! That’s funny.”
What’s funny? My name? That I’m not Kim? That I am Kim and I’m lying about it?

“Take the other right hand and put it under your shoulder.”

“The worst part of Passover for me is dreaming about baguettes and pizza. And remembering the taste when I wake up.”

“The strategy is similar to what we employed pre-pandemic, but this time we’re looking to have actual customers.”

“I prefer Venmo because, you know, I don’t feel like taking a shower to bring you $10.”

“Nobody gets this the first time… oh, look at you… well, no one ever got this the first time before.”

~~ Yoga and meditation nuggets:

Note where you are when you’re happy and then purposefully return there.

The aim of yoga is to become still and learn to reside in our truth.

Love is being who we were born to be.

If you carry all your mistakes in your head, the weight will crush you.

Being on the right track is no good if you just sit there, because the train will run you over. Keep moving forward.

~~ Pro tip: Never do a search on a stock photo site for “raccoon hide” when what you actually want is a photo of a raccoon trying to conceal itself.

~~ Joy of joy, Passover is here! It will be the second pandemic Pesach we’ll experience, and as you likely know, I’m no fan of the holiday in “normal” times. The food is blech (the holiday is about deprivation, after all) and the eight days lasts for three weeks. Without family to come together around the table with levity and love, the holiday is even more blah than usual.

  
~~ The only book I read in the last week was the Bhagavad Gita, translated by Stephen Mitchell. It was my second time reading, and this translation and format was far superior to the one I read last summer. It flowed without author’s notes, footnotes, and jottings interspersed everywhere. The ancient text made a lot more sense to me reading it straight through.*

*Truth be told, I did take a bit of a reading break about halfway through. I sat in the sun and luxuriated in the honeyed voice of a swami reciting verses for about 45 minutes before heading back to the book. Thank you, YouTube — that felt quite luxurious!

~~The NHL fired a ref for doing what fans always knew refs were doing. Was it because he admitted it on an open microphone… or were they embarrassed by the confirmation?

~~ Social media is taunting me, because no matter how many questions you ask, the answer is a resounding no! I can’t retire now, in the near future, or likely ever. So leave me alone, will you please?

~~ You knew today’s political rant would involve guns. Frankly, guns scare the crap out of me, and the few times in my life I’ve seen one have done nothing to make me feel any less alarmed. I don’t live in an open carry state, but if I did, I cannot imagine feeling comfortable in the pharmacy when the person next to me is draped in weapons designed only to kill.

I’ve studied the Constitution and I understand what the Second Amendment says. Nevertheless, I also know what it does not say, and I do know the Founders did not contemplate the definition of a militia including unaffiliated people wandering around wearing twice as many assault weapons as shoes on their feet.

Further, what is it with the NRA-backed GOP demonstrating that they are more afraid of POC voting than they are with anyone picking up an AR15 and picking off shoppers? The line, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people” is disingenuous at best. If people don’t have guns, no one dies from bullets!

Don’t just nod. Please support one or more of these gun control advocacy organizations if you’re able to do so:
The Brady Campaign works to pass and enforce federal and state gun laws, regulations, and public policies through grassroots activism, electing public officials who support gun control legislation, and increasing public awareness of gun violence.
The Coalition to Stop Gun Violence (CSGV) seeks to secure freedom from gun violence through research, strategic engagement and effective policy advocacy. CSGV is comprised of 47 national organizations working to reduce gun violence. Its coalition members include religious organizations, child welfare advocates, public health professionals, and social justice organizations.
An umbrella organization coordinating the activities of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America and Mayors against Illegal Guns.
Important grassroots activist organization formed by stay-at-home mom Shannon Watts following the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in December 2012.

 
        


 
 

 

 

Have a normal and kind weekend, seek out the sunshine, and be safe. If it applies, have a Zissen Pesach and/or a blessed Good Friday.
LET’S GO RANGERS!
LET’S GO METS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

“I recommend this one because no one likes that one. Though I must say that I do.”

[Man to dog] “Show everyone you’re cute AND smart.”

“I always leave him alone. If you get in his way, he gets really nasty.”

[A woman leaving a crowded restaurant with a companion.] “They gotta be kidding in there with the windows open. That’s not ventilation.”

“We don’t have any vegan peanut butter ice cream.”
[But the erasable whiteboard sign outside with your flavors says…]
“Look. The sign isn’t right, though people keep asking.”

“My dog isn’t as big as my daughter’s dog. But she’s not here, so take my word for it.”

~~ Zooming around:

“I just heard the funniest joke on another Zoom, but I’m bad at telling jokes.”

“I don’t think this is an appropriate discussion because no one here yet has the facts. Let’s table this, pending facts.” [As reported by a friend who advised, “Facts never stopped our group before!”]

She: “I have too many questions about the vaccine to take it.”
Me:  “Do you have any questions about dying from Covid?”
She:  “It’s unlikely to kill me because of all the ways to treat it.”
[Treatment is OK, but prevention is not?]

“I’m going to mute you all, but not because I don’t love you.”

“You should be feeling this in your hamstring. OWW!”

“The right hand should be slightly up and out. Wait, sorry, left hand...
No! The right hand, yes, that’s it. Ha, ha! Is it mixed up day for everyone, or just me?”

~~ Yoga and meditation nuggets:

You walk slowly towards stress… you eagerly leap towards joy.

Stop giving meaning to negative thoughts. They don’t deserve your time.
Rewrite your inner script with compassionate words.

To think with clarity, think with love.

You don’t hold the key to others’ forgiveness of you.

~~ A guy is running through the parking lot. He’s yelling at someone up ahead. I’m sure I misheard him, but it sounded like he was shouting, “Don’t fear the reaper!”

Of course, I had la, la, la, la, la rattling about in my head the rest of the day. 

~~ He, entering the room: Hi!
Me: Hi! I tuned in 7 minutes late and they are already down by two goals.
He: Oh, same old Mets.
Me: What? It's the Rangers. I said "goals" and you can hear the game.
He: Oh. Same old Rangers.

I adore him, but my spouse is 99.9 percent clueless about sports.

~~ This week is a double book blurb!
I needed a palate cleaner and took a recommendation for Belong to Me by Marisa de los Santos. What a well-written story of love laced with loss and lies families tell each other to deceive or survive.

Next up was The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson. I adored reading this adventure à la Forrest Gump. That is, if Forrest was a Swedish explosives expert who traveled the world blowing up stuff and drinking an excessive amount of vodka with Harry Truman and on a Soviet submarine — among other places and with other famous politicians. Of course, there are also the dead hoodlums and the very live elephant.


~~ Did you see that Dr. Deborah Birx (aka head-nodding scarf lady) is trying to rehab her image and not be considered part of the spread of misinformation? Good luck, doc! We have long memories.

~~ What do you do when you have a bad day and can’t cope? I often retreat to knitting or lifting heavy weights to distract me; occasionally I just pull the covers up over my head and cry. I have never, ever once contemplated buying a gun and traveling from place to place, killing people at every destination. Yet the white dude that did that Tuesday is alive and being fed* while the white spokesman for the sheriff** spins a tale about reaching “the end of his rope” over his “sex addition.”

*An unarmed, but Black George Floyd was killed over a $20 dispute
** Said captain owns racist shirts and worked as a mercenary
 

~~ Good news, you say? Deb Haaland and the USA is averaging giving out more than 2.5 million vaccines a day.

 

 

 
 

 


Have a normal and kind weekend, stay warm, and be safe.
LET’S GO RANGERS!
LET’S GO METS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

“That is not necessary. It’s not only not necessary, it’s so not necessary that it was never, ever necessary.”

Person 1: “Did you hear that?”
Person 2: “What?”
1: “It was amazing!”
2: “What was it?”
3. “Never mind.”
[It was a singing bird. Nice, but not amazing.]

“We get a lot of requests for that, but nobody wants to pay for it.”

Woman standing next to display that has pictures of cats and a sign that proclaims CAT GOODIES: “Is this toy suitable for cats?”

~~ “We both got the shots at the same time. Three hours later, my teeth were chattering; pretty soon after, I was in bed. Where was my hubby, you may ask? At the gym! I’m gulping tea and he’s working out!”

“Hi! Oh, wait, you’re not you. Masks. Heh heh.”

  ~~ Zooming around:


“It’s not exactly the same thing as yesterday, but it’s so close you won’t really notice.”

“Who else hears an echo? No one? No one hears that echo? It can’t be just me, can it?” [Mutes herself.] Oh, I guess it was just me. Ha!”

“OK, people, I’d like to recap before concluding. Oh, better yet, I’ll send an email after my lunch!”

“You look fantastic! I guess it’s a Zoom filter.”

“It’s so beautiful outside I shouldn’t be inside.”

“The vaccine is wonderful and all, don’t get me wrong, but I haven’t given a thought to my wrinkles in a year. I guess it’s time to step up.”

“Your shoulders take a lot of shit all winter trying to hunch enough to keep you warm.”

“If it smells like mango, I’m all over buying it.”
                 

~~ We had some time to chat on Zoom yoga because the teacher went missing. While we waited for her to log back on, one person asked if anyone else is “doing Zoom PTA.” I blurted out that I am so grateful that I don’t have to do any PTA, as it was a terrible experience. Two others said they loved participating in PTA, so why did I detest it?

I shared how I didn’t attend a meeting until my second child went to school. Once I did, I found the people (aka moms) condescending as all get out.
It started with the president who said, “Oh, my gosh, we have a full-time working mom actually joining us,” and went on from there. The Paul Bunyanesque mom whose miniskirt came to my eyes walked over, dropped a bunch of papers in front of me, and said, “I’m sure you’re not familiar with what we’re doing.” The mom with a three-foot-long braid asked, “Shall we put you on any committees or is this a onetime appearance?”

Damn, I’d written checks, sent in home-baked cookies, had my car washed, bought overpriced candy and wrapping paper, and attended every book fair and holiday gift sale with both my kids. Every one of these people knew me, but now that I was infringing on their turf, they turned into mean girls in mom jeans!

My fellow yogis laughed as I related my gripes, and one of the women who previously said she loved PTA admitted it was “quite a clique.” The teacher logged back in, asked what she missed, and we all snickered. I said, “[Name] asked about ‘Zoom PTA’ and I went on a multiple-minute rant about why I loathe the PTA.”

“You, too?” said the teacher. With that, we went back to non-judgmentally freeing our minds.

~~ Yoga and meditation nuggets:

Stop your body at the point of honesty.

Buddha said that expectation equals suffering.

The pose works once you stop doing it.

Mindfulness should be your steering wheel, not your spare tire.

Our spirits are stronger than our thoughts.

~~ Have you ever felt just the teensiest sense of satisfaction when the box says three cookies per serving and that’s all you eat — even if that means there’s just one left in the box? I did, and I was as ridiculously proud of myself as if I’d cured a random disease.

~~ Speaking of cookies, how great is this sign for the front walkway? (I haven’t found Jesus, but that’s for me to know and solicitors to never find out.)

P.S. If your kid is selling Girl Scout cookies, let me know. I’m buying if you’ll deliver.

~~ It was my father’s (earthly) birthday the other day, and I thought I’d share my recollections of him for those who weren’t regular blog readers in 2018: https://real-lawyer.livejournal.com/2018/03/09/

[If you didn’t realize, I started blogging daily in 2006. I changed it up to only Fridays after I stopped practicing law and had fewer, um, unusual interactions with people to share. Every blog post is archived.]

~~ Quick interlude in supermarket:
He: “Oh, you got the ice cream cones you like!”
Me: “No, I prefer the ones with Jeff Sessions on the box!”
Stranger in aisle: Glares and glowers at me as if she doesn’t know Jeff Sessions and the Keebler elf are the same dude.


~~ If a scissor manufacturer is reading, please note that I likely bought your product because my scissors broke. If you secure your product with plastic toggles in three places, how the hell am I supposed to free the scissors without a damn pair of scissors?

~~ If you have to say your family is “'very much not a racist family” you’re a racist family.

~~ This was some week! Covid relief that does so much good for the people, an ethical Attorney General, vaccines, and investigations ramping up in Georgia and New York against the former guy.

We have a long, long way to go, but our hard work is paying off. As “they” say, Rest but never quit!

 




     


 

Have a normal and kind weekend, stay warm, and be safe. Next Friday is Spring Eve!
LET’S GO RANGERS!

LET’S GO METS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

“Remind me about this conversation when I can find the energy to care.”

“She’s hysterical! She says the dumbest things but somehow she is more funny than dumb.”

“No, I’m not processing that right now.”

~~ Zooming around:

“He wrote the book in the 1990s. Could he still be alive?”

“If you don’t understand, tell me at the time, not when we’ve moved on. Understand?”

“Pay no attention to me moving around. I’m not comfortable anywhere these days.”

“Her day drinking isn’t the problem. It’s the day AND night drinking.”

“I can’t recall the original point of contention, but I believe no one cares any longer or the comments would be filled instead of empty. Let’s move on!”

“I am trying to understand what we do about this issue if we want to stay an action group.”

“My mother always said, ‘Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in there’ whenever we’d fail at something. One day I realized that there’s a loophole in that and told my mom, ‘If you just get up and do it again and again, you’re just a repeat offender.’”

“Life is a verb.”

“When roadblocks appear, I merely think, I ain’t giving this crisis credit.”

~~ Yoga and meditation nuggets:

You can’t change what already happened, so stop living in the past.

Once you know yourself, you won’t care what anyone else thinks.

  As we age, we sage.

Yoga is for everybody, but not every body can do everything.

Unused creativity is not benign. It metastases into grief.

You’re like a sponge. Should you soak up muddy water, wring and rinse to be good as new.

Stepping onto the mat is the hardest step.

~~ The conversation in our yoga book club veered from a discussion about Journey of Souls into “when you started questioning religion.” Not if you question it, or whether you ever considered questioning it, but simply when. I didn’t answer the query because the Catholics monopolized the time with comments about what kind of religion sends people to eternal hell, but I did recall my first question about religious teachings with a smile.

I was almost six when I started Hebrew School (junior division). Mrs. Goldberg, teacher and wife of the rabbi, was talking about Adam and Eve. I raised my hand and asked, “Which came first: the dinosaurs or Adam and Eve?”

“Adam and Eve, of course,” she said tartly.

I pounced: “So why doesn’t the bible mention what day G-d created the dinosaurs? And if Adam and Eve had kids, why were there no people when the dinosaurs first crawled out of the water?”

My parents got a call from Mrs. Goldberg. Too bad my dad answered, because my mother said she would have repeated my insightful questions. In any case, dad told her there’s nothing wrong with being curious, and we all laughed about it after he hung up.

Mrs. G didn’t laugh, however. She gave me no leeway in class and she never called on me again. She taught me that religion doesn’t have answers even though it inspires many questions.

P.S. The book, Journey of Souls by Michael Newton, PhD, is excellent. If you’re open to us living other lives, this book will be affirming.

~~Now, to the book I was finding so thrilling that I wanted to savor the ending. It’s Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter by Mario Vargas Llosa (translated by Helen R. Lane). Frankly, I wished I’d stopped just before the ending, because it offended my sensibilities and expectations, but that doesn’t diminish this quirky and enthralling novel about growing up in 1950s Lima, Peru; the strength of family and friends, love that comes with encumbrances, and the fine line between manic creativity and abject madness. It takes a bit of time to get into the rhythm of the alternating chapters and the different nicknames of the narrator, but once you get into the flow, you have an adventurous ride worth taking.
If you read it and like the conclusion, let me know, OK?

~~ Things I never thought I’d utter: “Why is the amount of food you get contingent on how long it takes me to read this article about the mayhem in Myanmar?" [Spoken at lunchtime to my dogs, in case you needed context.]

~~ Our poodle Freddie turned 15 this week. If you’re a dog owner, you pray for a beloved canine companion to grace this world for that long. If you know Freddie, you pray this sweet little guy enjoys his bagels, Brussels sprouts, and sweet potatoes for many, many more years to come.


~~ Traffic was crazy when we drove into NYC to get our vaccines, and again on the way home. Not “oh crap, there’s an accident ahead” delays, but crawling along lunacy just like pre-2020 rush hours — which made me think that at least some of this talk about never returning to the pre-COVID office grind is just talk. Should we also fear that those who’ve purchased cars to avoid mass transit might not be returning to their eco-friendlier former ways? If so, we won’t really haven’t done the planet or our blood pressure much good.

~~ Next week marks the anniversary of the “two week quarantine” most of us thought we’d be taking until the coronavirus ran its course.

~~ On Wednesday, I listened to the St. Louis radio broadcast of the Mets' game on the MLB audio app. It's really a different world there than it is in the NY area: we have coffee, tea, and home construction ads. They have pig "farmers."

~~ I was on pins and needles all day Thursday, fearful of the earth-shattering moment the cro-MAGAs predicted for that day. They declared Donnie would obliterate President Biden and be inaugurated back into office. These geniuses had it all figured out: there would be some swordplay, face swapping, and morphing, I think.

I guess this means we have to go back to unifying with the seditionists, the insurrectionists, the terrorists, the obstructionists, the insane, and the oblivious. Despite the GOP proclaiming they won’t vote for anything favored by Biden and the Democrats, no matter how many lives, businesses, and families the proposals can save, they loudly fault leadership for not stumbling along with their hindrances and impediments.

 

   



 


 


Have a normal and kind weekend, stay warm, and be safe.

LET’S GO RANGERS!
LET’S GO METS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

“Do you remember when this cost like one dollar? Of course you do.”

“I told him, like it or not, it’s what’s gonna happen when my brother hears about it.”

“I can’t decide which chips I really want. How many bags can I take before you get mad?”

~~ Zooming around:

“That’s the doorbell. It can’t be anyone important because I don’t know anyone important!” [She laughs.]

“OK, so this story is very, very long, but I need to share it because I think it’s the kind of thing that everyone will want to hear. So, I went to the doctor, and the receptionist said he was ill and she would have called me but she was swamped. So, I said… you know what, never mind what I would have said. It doesn’t matter and anyway forget it.”


“The main thrust of the revisions would be to avoid the kind of past mistakes resulting from prior revisions.”

“I need a book suggestion that’s light, preferably funny, and specific to somewhere on the West Coast.”

“My nephew says he’s studying metaphysics via Zoom. I ask him if he paid for that and he got very insulted.”

“The contractors are here, so I can’t help the noise. Do you want me to mute myself?” [Everyone blurts, YES!]

“My neck hurts, so I may not do this class. Actually, I have no idea why I logged on. Bye!”

“If you’re new to the practice of yoga, don’t think a beginner’s class will be easy. After all, you don’t learn a new language in one day — you have to start by learning the letters of the alphabet.”

~~ Yoga nuggets:

You know the person in your life who’s most troublesome? He or she is teaching you a lesson — be grateful.

The quest for perfection is garbage. You’re already perfect just as you are!

You can be brave and scared at the same time.

~~ That book I mentioned last week that I wanted to share? I didn’t finish it — on purpose — because I wanted to read while I was in the “holding room” after getting my first COVID vaccine. As my shot appointment is for the day I usually write this blog, I had to blog early. I know you’ll overlook my broken promise; everyone knows premature blogging can mess up the best of plans.

~~ Two informative articles were also on my Kindle. One on why you need to coordinate and separate the COVID vaccine and mammogram: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/coronavirus/article249460110.html. And the other on why eyeglasses may help protect you: https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/people-who-wear-glasses-less-likely-to-catch-covid-19-new-study-suggests/.

~~ He’s finished a story about James Brolin’s life as a pilot. “He grew up by an airport,” he tells me. “That’s why he’s a pilot.”

“Huh? I grew up by a church but I’m not Catholic.”

~~ I read that tRump raked in $106 billion while he squatted in the White House, and that most of it was paid directly by taxpayers or indirectly by influence peddling. Then I heard the cost to repair the Capitol will exceed $30 million dollars. Holy hell, we could cure a disease and have enough left over to wipe out childhood hunger and illiteracy with that money. That “former guy” is still playing the people of this country for everything we’re worth. I don’t know if there’s enough karma in the world to compensate for his toxicity and thievery, but I’m willing to give up any karma I have coming to me, so he gets every ounce of kismet the universe can muster up.

   




 

 



 

~~ A positive conclusion: Spring starts in less than two weeks, at least per the calendar. That’s something!

Have a normal and kind weekend, stay warm, and be safe.
LET’S GO RANGERS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

“Valentine’s Day in 2020 was the last time I ate out. [Fairly long pause] Holy shit, I haven’t eaten in a restaurant in one whole year!”

“I love actual tactile retail therapy. But when stuff comes in a box three days later, it mostly just feels like a waste of money.”

“I’m going to wait to cut my hair until after the summer in case.” [She didn’t say in case of what.]

“I’ll get the vaccine as soon as my CVS is giving it. I really trust the druggist.”


~~ Zooming around:

“I say umm a lot and need to cut down on it. I’m, umm, working on it, so, umm, give me support.”

“I know at least two people here were expecting us to talk about a different topic. If you’re one of them, feel free to leave anonymously.” [It’s funny because Zoom proclaims, “Name has left the meeting.”]

“You can count on that if it ever happens.”

“I miss you guys, I really do. Even the ones I haven’t met.”

“At our last meeting, the only thing we actually accomplished was deciding on the next meeting date.”

“They asked a lot of questions to get the vaccine, but I didn’t mind answering them. After all, Bill Gates knows all that stuff about me, anyway.”

“Do all of you turn off your video if you’re eating?”

~~ Yoga nuggets:

Your time is not their time. Don’t give them that power.

Energy follows your lead.

The universe is beyond your thoughts.

Welcome someone’s love, but don’t crave it.

When your breath matches your movement, you energize yourself.

~~ He calls me from the supermarket and says, “They have some vegan things on sticks. Should I buy them?” [Of course! They are mocha caramel ice cream treats — why wouldn’t you buy them?]

~~ People are playing a Valentine’s Day game on social media that reveals how you met and other personal relationship info. I didn’t play, but reading along, one question stumped me, so I went to the source. “I can’t remember… who said, ‘I love you’ first?”

“It was me,” says he. “The first of the many times I asked you to marry me.”

  “You are saying you proposed before you even knew if I loved you?” I was bewildered. “I’m sure I told you I loved you long before then.” (We were dating four years before we married.)

“Maybe,” he concedes. “Or I just assumed it.”

~~ Thank you, Uniqlo, for this very flattering email!

~~ I am halfway through a delightful novel, having just reached the part where the title makes sense. I’m sure I’ll be done to share it with you next week.

~~ We babysat our grandson recently. He’s cute as can be and totally obsessed with phones (I shared with you that he sent a selfie of himself and me to Debra Messing).
  While playing with my phone this time, he returned an e-library book, deleted three apps, and texted gobbledygook to a friend of mine. The Senate “trial” having just concluded, I guess she thought I was faux-cursing, because she replied to his (my) nonsense text with “Fucking coward Republicans.”

  

~~ I have some concluding questions this week:

Is it true in any other country that the guy who gets fewer votes becomes president and the guy who gets more guilty votes is acquitted?


If inciting, rampaging, killing, desecrating, and defying democracy aren’t enough to keep you from running for office again, what would be?

If your state is mostly without power and potable water during a deep freeze, is it cool to fly to Cancún if you blame it on your daughters?

If you want to criticize those who refused to mourn for a radio flame-thrower (or dared to mention he’d mock and cheer patients who died from AIDS), please tell me how quickly you jumped on the bandwagon to deny RBG her last wish and nominate her replacement?

Why do so many fail to grasp how changing “alien” to “non-citizen” is a big legal step towards recognizing the humanity of those who want to come to (or stay in) the USA?

If you’re big into “family values,” why won’t you value my family’s safety and wear a damn mask?






         
   




Have a normal and kind weekend, stay warm, and be safe.
LET’S GO RANGERS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Real life chatter:

“I have nowhere to go and it keeps on snowing. That seems like a recipe to keep my shovel in the shed.”

“I get my second vaccine tomorrow. I’m more excited than when, umm, I don’t know. But more excited than anything recently, for sure.”

“She says, ‘I’m going to make a pizza.’ I say, ‘Are you crazy? Everyone delivers these days.’”

“I’ve been seeing my therapist on Zoom, but I really need a 3D person to listen to me.”

   ~~ Zooming around:

“I’m going to be showing a couple of graphics. They may be too small to see on your phone, but try.”

“Do I have your phone number in case I ever want to call you?”

“My kid’s science teacher kills me. I get a headache every time I hear her on the computer in my dining room.”

“I haven’t cut my hair, because my hat still fits. But toenails are a necessity.”

“My daughter got engaged! I don’t know when they are getting married yet. Who knows which catering halls will still be in business when this is all over?” [Note: Every person on this Zoom call knew exactly what “this” meant.]

“I heard on the news that a lot of people would rather spend Valentine’s Day with their dogs or cats. That’s what I did on New Year’s Eve!”

“Last summer it was fine to go to the beach and wear a bathing suit in public because we had masks on. No one knew it was me, even when I walked right past the guy who owns my favorite liquor store. I felt really good about that, well, freedom. Do you all think we’ll still be wearing masks on the beach this summer? I know I wouldn’t mind.”

Woman 1: “Did any of you get a vaccine yet? I’m starting to think I’ll get my first shot on Labor Day.”
Woman 2: “I’m not stressing. But we better not still be talking about vaccines by Thanksgiving, OK?”

~~ Yoga nuggets:

You’re surrounded by an ocean of love. Absorb it.



                                           If something is in the way, it IS the way.

Don’t just listen to what others are saying. Listen to what you’re saying.

~~ My husband asked me earlier in the week, “What do you want to do for Valentine’s Day?” Three days later, I’m still laughing.

~~ Holy moly, this sign states one of the fundamental truths and yearnings of my existence!

~~ Book report time! The previous two books I read were quite different, by choice. The first (another yoga book club selection) is Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives by Michael Newton. The author shares transcripts of patients he’s hypnotized to regress to past lives and/or the time between earth lives.
Reading about where Dr. Newton concludes that souls/energy reside between times in corporeal beings was both fascinating and thought provoking. I thought of a question on one page, found an answer on another, and then thought of three more questions. Obviously, the only ones who know the answers aren’t spilling the beans, but there’s something reassuring about the energy we’re enhancing and sharpening not vaporizing when we die.

After that, I needed a literary palate cleanser. Shocked: My Mother, Schiaparelli, And Me by Patricia Volk was as light-ish and entertaining as I hoped. The author’s mom was, as they say, a piece of work, but adored by at least one of her two kids. The book draws comparative timelines and qualified comparisons between the beautiful mom, Audrey, and a not-so-attractive designer, Elsa Schiaparelli. I marveled at the mom’s narcissism vis-à-vis her kids and felt wretched envisioning a young Elsa, aware of her homeliness, trying to have flower seeds grow on her face.
Did you know one of the ways to lose a man is to let him see stuff in the sink? I devoured these humorous and absurd pages as they veered from one life to another (oh, my goodness — Elsa hung out with the coolest people and her daughter’s nickname was GoGo), yet somehow I ended up staring at the author. That’s when I realized that moms can’t give us any more than what they carry in their handbags.

~~ Oscar Wilde said, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about,” and PT Barnum said, “I don't care what people say about me as long as they say something.” You think showman Donnie tRump is thinking that all this impeachment trial publicity is good merely because people are talking about him?

A sane person would say no. However, Donnie’s a mentally deranged man that gets his jollies from predatory behavior, whether it’s towards females who say no or a violent mob urged to kill his bootlicker VP.

I’ll be so happy when he doesn’t take up a minute of my day or a paragraph in my blog. Nevertheless, until then, if you live in a state with one or two GOP senators, please call their office and say, when they next seek office, you’ll remember how they voted in this trial.

   
     
     
   
           



       


~~ It seems it’s going to snow at least twice more before we meet up again. As you know, my pain meter is set to high and my cold meter is already broken, so if I’m not here next week, feel free to send flowers and hot chocolate to the first sanitarium in Tahiti listed on Google.


Have a normal and kind lunar new year and presidential and Valentines weekend. Stay warm and be safe.
LET’S GO RANGERS!

Tossed Salad Friday

~~ Listening in on real life chatter:

“I never really think about that, but I really should think about that a lot more.”

“He thinks he’s gluten free but he couldn’t tell you what gluten is!”

~~ Zooming around:
“The meeting will start where the first one let off, so if you weren’t at the first meeting, maybe you should wait for the videos of both.”

Woman 1: “If you get sick, how do you tell people it’s not Covid that’s making you cough?”
Man: “If your test says you’re negative, you don’t have to care what anyone else thinks.”
Woman 2: “Umm, if you’re sick, why are you going out anyway?”
Woman 1: “I don’t like to use my sick days.”

“I’m thinking we need to talk about this off Zoom, because I really don’t like Zoom. Maybe Slack? No, never mind, I really don’t like Slack. Are conference calls still a thing?”

He: “Some weeks I want to punch lots and lots of people. Some weeks, it’s a little less.”
She: “I never want to punch anyone. But I could use a good cry.”

“My mother thought nothing of calling my sister, who lives two hours away, and telling her to come right over. She’ll cancel clients, drop everything, and run to mom, who’ll say, “Would you please hang this up for me and get [a different dress] off the hanger?”

“We didn’t get any snow here [in NC] but I watched the New York snowfall on my TV.”

“I know this is a book club meeting, but may we talk about ourselves?”

~~ I know I’m not infallible when it comes to spelling, but there are days when I feel greatly superior to my spell checker.


~~ The yoga instructor was teaching from home (via Zoom) and mentioned we might hear her new budgie. We did — it sounded sweet.
At one point, she cued us into a pose by announcing, “Crow!” As she said it, that bird went nuts! Just coincidence that a little birdie screeched at the mention of a predator?

~~ Yoga nuggets:
If your power is waning, what will it take to recharge those batteries?

When was the last time you gave your soul permission to sing and dance?

Change happens whether you encourage it or not.

       We can’t see what’s coming, but we can make it welcome.

~~ You know you’re getting old when you get a certificate redeemable anywhere in town and you use it to buy your CBD oil!

~~
 
Also a sign of old: I remember when debates between friends were “Paul or John?” and “The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?” Now I see “Moderna vs Pfizer?” and it makes me laugh (after I sigh).

~~ I stopped reaching out to a former friend because she was so steadfastly pro-tRump, despite claiming she detested the things he said and didn’t support any hateful policies. Recently, she wrote to say, “Hey, how’s it going?” and I ignored that. She wrote again. “Seriously, are you still mad at me for voting for tRump? It’s possible to be in favor of all the good things he did while not backing the other stuff. Think of it like I’m a cat person and you’re a dog person.”

I should have followed my first instinct and ignored her. However, that cat/dog thing really set me off and so I fired back: “Cat lovers and dog lovers are both compassionate people whose taste differs in animal companions. tRump support — however you want to parse it — encourages violence, bullying, discrimination, inhumanity, and disregard for the Constitution. If you wouldn’t treat your cat like he treated the poor, the sick, and the otherwise vulnerable, you need to choose: are you a cat person or are you a heartless human?”
She hasn’t responded, which is fine. Who’d wants to stay friendly with someone (me) who implies you are pitiful for being so pitiless?
 

  •  




     

~~ Don’t you just love the sound of “Madam Vice President”? I know that I do!


Have a normal and kind weekend, stay warm, and be safe.
LET’S GO RANGERS!