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Tossed Salad Friday

~~ The woman was animatedly speaking on the phone. “Shut up! No way! How can she stand to sleep with a gargoyle like that?” [Like what?]


~~ I heard a tale of a reserved (standoffish, off-putting) mother of the groom who praised the bride as “smart” and the groom as “skillful.” My jaw dropped — on a momentous occasion like your child’s wedding, you describe him to a roomful of people as adept? Oy.

~~ A friend asked me how I was doing physically. I answered, “I feel fine.” She seemed pleased and thereafter inquired as to how things were otherwise going, to which I replied, “Life sucks.” Immediately, I knew I had the lyric to a country song OR the title of my autobiography: Life Sucks, But I Feel Fine

~~ I was feeling good despite the age-related arrow aimed at me in yoga class on Wednesday. A man at about my stage in life was on the mat next to me. Afterwards he remarked that he enjoyed class despite it being a difficult one. This is when he should have stopped talking. But he didn’t. Instead he said, “Wow, I’m surprised that you could do all that stuff.” [Emphasis his.] The 95% percent of me that was insulted wanted to ask him why he said that, but my mischievous five percent won out. Giving him my coyest version of a smile, I said, “You should have seen me before I turned 80.” Bullseye!

~~ What’s new in Dementia-ville, you ask? Let’s see: The aide asks if she’s gotten any mail. Noooooooooooo, why? “Well, I’m having people send me stuff here.” She left yesterday and nothing has yet arrived. What do I do if stuff does show up?

~~ The patient detests the aide’s singing voice. She turns shriller and more strident in her shrieking when the aide sings what sounds like a Caribbean nursery rhyme. I was hoping the aide would piece together cause and effect and cease singing, but either she doesn’t mind the reaction or she doesn’t care.

~~ I love the heat and welcome the 90+ degree days we had this week. But let me tell you, the dastardly stink-generators in dirty diapers proliferate in the heat like nothing I’ve ever smelled before. And I’ve been in the men’s room at Grand Central Station.

~~ When the GOP uses the occasion of a multi-person shooting to call for looser gun control — so that every passerby can be armed (with a silencer, no less) — you know we’ve passed rock bottom and are plummeting through Middle Earth.


~~ If you’ve called for a Muslim ban because some Muslims commit crimes, let me hear you call for a white American ban for the same reason. Then you’ll get my (very grudging) respect.

~~ Also, if you want to keep telling me the PUS did nothing wrong (like you really know all the inside dirt on Russian collusion) then will you explain to me why he acted so blatantly to cover up nothing? I mean, it’s like a person with a kick-ass, buff body:  she or he usually dresses to reveal, not conceal. You gotta figure the person wearing three XXL sweatshirts in the summer is hiding something.

~~ Brava, Patti LuPone:


Dasvidaniya. Have a great weekend.
LET’S GO METS!

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