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Push Me, Screw You

The buyers (via their counsel) never let up on negotiating. “See if your client will…” was the attorney’s standard refrain, and as much as it peeved me to keep going back to my clients, it truly enraged them.

Soon this very nice couple was short-tempered and irritable whenever I spoke with them. Whether it was about the gutter cleaning, the pool closing, the crawl space critters, the cracked patio slate, or moving the closing date later and later, they’d almost always say to me, “We know it’s not you.” However, I’d become a bit queasy each time I contacted them with a new demand.

Prior to walking into the closing room, the wife hugged me and said, “We feel terrible about you having to be the messenger all the rime, and us being so angry about it all. We’re sorry, but we hate these people!”

I assured her that I could handle it, and thanked her for the hug as we walked into the room. No sooner had I unpacked my briefcase than Mr. SeeIfYourClientWill said, “My clients would like to see if your clients will re-visit the issue with the washing machine.”

“No!” screamed both sellers simultaneously. One continued, “Don’t ask me for anything, not even a piece of gum. 5_gum_Vortex You’ve pushed us to the wall, buddy, so screw you!”

The attorney looked mollified and the buyers appeared red-faced throughout the closing, while the sellers seem to float in a sea of bliss. As for me, I vowed that one day, when negotiations in a deal drag on, I’ll have a chance to pair “piece of gum” and “screw you” together to end the squabbling.

***
Happy birthday, Bryan!

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