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I Hate You, You Hate Me, We Both Hate Them

I won’t take a divorce deal unless the splitting couple both agree to use me as their attorney.This works out as well as can be imagined, but I slog through, as do the split-up couples. Recently, however, I had a pair of former spouses whose photos must be in the dictionary next to the work odious. They were constantly sparring and trading the vilest of messages through me, to the point where I was going to tell them to take a hike.

Then something miraculous happened— a detestable purchaser came along, represented by her father, easily the most loathsome man I had ever met in a profession crawling with bottom feeders. My clients accepted the offer from the repulsive purchaser and started to bond in their buyer-abhorrence.

The messages from the exes were now always on the same page. I received “screw ‘em” e-mails from both sellers in response to my relaying of a post-contract demand, and two “not one day more” denials arrived in my inbox when the sellers heard the buyer wanted to delay closing.

My clients sat next to each other at the closing table, something I wouldn’t have ever envisioned when I was retained. And when the closing was over, the ex-husband kissed the cheek of his former wife and said, “Want to get a cup of coffee and talk?” She accepted!

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